Thursday, 13 December 2012

Why I Won't Watch Ishq.e.Mamnu Even if All Other Televised Media Has Been Destroyed by the Zombie Apocalypse

Once upon a time I was sitting in front of the TV idly flipping channels when I came upon this totally hot guy blabbering away on one of those seedy little channels that seem to crop up every two channel-surfing minutes. I, being me, stopped flipping to stare at his pretty blue-eyed face but within the next five minutes was disgusted enough to continue flipping, tsk-ing away to myself, secure in my belief that I was probably the only one to get such moronic channels on cable. "Ishq-e-Mamnu" indeed. Ridiculous. The very next day, however, I logged into Facebook to find some girl's status update about how she needed to tear herself away from Ishq-e-Mamnu to study for her exams. At first I was like:

So I read it again. And then I was like:
And then, I read around 57 million other statuses with the same theme and realized that pretty much the whole country was obsessed with the show. So I ended up being like:

Thereafter I tried to watch the show several times but ended up being unable to watch more than five minute snippets without ridiculing it mercilessly. Here's why I despise it so:

Good Things Come to Pretty People:

Ishq.e.Mamnu is full of beautiful-and by beautiful I mean freakin' GORGEOUS-people. No one is okay looking or, God forbid, ugly. Just look at the buggers

Pretty Boy. The One I Told You I was Staring At.

HONESTLY?! Why must you be so 90210-ey?!

Déjà vu: The Bold and the Beautiful:

Whenever I see this:

All I can think of is this:

Everybody sleeps with everybody but nobody really sticks with anybody and it ends up being quite astonishingly annoying. It's just such a..SOAP!

The Alpha Male Who Sleeps with Everyone but is Still The Good Guy:

So from the snippets I've watched, I've come to gather that Pretty Boy a.k.a. Behlul goes around sleeping with every woman who comes within two meters radius of him and that's okay because he's this hotshot playboy and the ladies all dig him anyway. I will NEVER understand how women these days claim to be feminists but find these cavemen completely irresistible. They have this incredible capacity to convince themselves that the caveman is simply an oh-so-tortured soul, in love with one woman but unable to have her. He's just getting it on with other women to relieve his anguish, see?
Me whenever I hear somebody spewing this crap:

Men Proposing to Women Young Enough To be Their Daughters Because They're Rich and Are Therefore Entitled to Anything They Could Ask For:

These two are married:
And then they complain about gold diggers.

And they claim that he fell in "twoo love" with her *goes all dewy eyed*
I saw the bit where he proposes to her and from what I remember, his words were "Jab mein tumhaari taraf dekhta hun, tou mujhay bahaar ka khyaal aata hai"
And my mum, who happened to be passing by snorted and went "Haan apni taraf dekh ke khazaan ka khyaal jou aata hai." xD

The Crazy Relationship Web:

A loves B who's in love with C but C likes D who has a thing for E who happens to the wife of B and so on until everything's this insane tangled mess and I'm like:

The Urdu Dubbing:

This is probably the single most annoying aspect of the whole show. Anything that's been created in one language should STAY in that language, be it a movie, a tv-show or a damn cartoon. The disembodied Urdu speaking voices FUR-REAK me out dammit! This is what they remind me of:

Yeah. Should have thought about that BEFORE you tried to smuggle heroin into the Middle East dumbass

So, like I said, the dubbing is just plain disturbing.

Lastly, The Name:

"Ishq.e.Mamnu"? Awom pls.
That's worse than Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid and Killer Klowns From Outer Space and Love Monkey and EVEN The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies. At least those make me laugh and send my imagination into hyperdrive. Ishq.e.mamnu just makes me cringe and think "cheese, cheese, corn, cheese, more corn" and then cringe some more.

SO, there you have it. Reasons that I'll never watch the stupid show. Like, EVER.


  1. Haha..wonderfully written. I think the drama is just the right form of prime-time entertainment Pakistani dramas fail to provide but you've done a good job here. Thumbs up!

    1. I respect everyone's opinions :)
      Thanks! :D